Is it Possible to Control Your Reaction before you Lose your Cool?

Is it Possible to Control Your Reaction before you Lose your Cool?

How often do you lose your cool by overreacting to situations or people who push your buttons?  I have found that such situations often do not end well. Either they end with a residue of resentment and hostility or feelings of guilt and regret over what is viewed as an overreaction. Even if you don’t verbally overreact, holding things in and internalizing your anger, is not an effective alternative.

The problem is not the feeling of anger but how you deal with it. However, sometimes a situation can trigger the anger so quickly that you don’t have time to think about an appropriate response. You just react. Therefore, being in the habit of overreacting makes it difficult to develop and successfully implement strategies before the blow up.  So, what do you do when you react before you think?

The uniqueness of flying off the handle impulsively, without forethought is usually connected with viewing the situation in terms of absolutes. This means that the other person or situation is either right or wrong, dysfunctional or thoughtful, good or bad, with no room for somewhere in between.

This line of thinking gets you initially off the hook. It’s quick, easy and absolves you of any need to think clearly.  It’s black or white and never gray. The blame is always out there with the other person or thing. On the back end, it rarely works, causing further stress.

The brain has a hand in this distorted thinking. It always wants your world to be routine and within your comfort level. When it feels threatened, the brain is wired to fight or flee.  You to either fight by reacting or fleeing by internalizing. So, when you impulsively overreact, it’s really your brain unconsciously resisting something it is uncomfortable with.

How do you deal with this age-old phenomenon, that at times, may not work for you? You first need to realize that this line of thinking in these situations usually do not end productively. You need to begin to develop a different mindset that challenges, your viewing certain situations and people in a one-dimensional light.  Begin to be aware of how unproductive, distorted ways of thinking are the sources of your reaction, not what’s in your environment.

The key to being in better control of your impulsive tantrums begins by being more aware of what happens in your brain. Get in the habit of instantly challenging your tendency to react impulsively. Understand that you are wired to behave in ways that are learned and how your brain operates. Consistently reinforcing a new response may be difficult at first but will end up normal. forming a new habit.

Recognize that there is a pattern of similar conditions that trigger you. Therefore, before it raises its ugly head, plan a preemptive strike that will prevent any explosion. You can do this by visualizing yourself behaving in a self-aware rather than in an impulsive manner. This results you feeling more in control of yourself rather than allowing others, past or present, to be in control of you.

In addition to moving from self-denial to self-awareness is the three cornerstones of good health, getting eight hours of sleep, eating sensibly and exercising regularly. this will result in less stress and more appreciation of what you have in life.

All articles are written by Raymond Shocki PhD, LCSW, LMFT, a psychotherapist and life coach specializing with adults and couples dealing with stress, anxiety and depression.