“How to Recognize and Deal With a Relationship that gets Toxic”

Do you stay or leave a relationship when it makes you feel, unaffirmed, unheard and misunderstood? Difficult question to answer when you’re  holding onto the memories of when things were so much better.

There are times in all relationships, that one day things are going great and the next, seemingly for no reason, things go dramatically downhill. The problem with this lies when there is a constant repetitiveness of such occurrences.  It’s the not knowing from one day to the next what you will be faced with. This type of inconsistency can leave you struggling with distress and anxiety.

In addition to affecting you emotionally, it can also affect you physically.  It has been reported that approximately 70% of physical ailments that bring people to a doctor’s office can be traced back to a stress.

Being defensive or festering in silence does not results in a positive outcome when involved in a toxic relationship. This only brings forth a further deterioration. You would do better by recognizing the pattern of the two of you going around in circles, repeating the “same old, same old” and accomplishing nothing?

If the relationship is consistently toxic and you can’t break the cycle, the healthiest thing to do is to get out. For far too many, this is easier said than done. If leaving the relationship is not an option, professional help and support can assist you in achieving or regaining your sense of who you are as a person. This can happen  even within the relationship. For those who for whatever reason stay, there are things you can do.

One thing is to learn to set boundaries. Work toward developing the strength to consistently assert yourself when those boundaries are crossed, while respecting the boundaries of the other person.

Learn the limits of compromise.  Be willing to compromise around different needs of each of you.   However, be reluctant to compromise your core values that help identify who you as a person.

Don’t waste your time trying to make the other person into what you think they should be. Focus rather on yourself.  No one is perfect. There are things you could work on  in order to become the person you want to be.

Don’t make the other person’s problem, your problem. Be aware that you can get so caught up in the other person’s problems, that you lose sight of who you are..

Remember to be true to yourself.  Far too often, there is a push by the other person to be what the other person thinks you should be.  Being authentically you, warts and all, is the only person you should take ownership in being.  Looking to the other person to approve of who you are, is a merry go round that ultimately gets you nowhere.

Be committed to striving to be the best person you can be, using even the other person’s negative traits to help you get there.

Readers are invited to write, anonymously if they wish, about ways they are successful or unsuccessful, in harnessing gratitude in their lives. Readers can forward their thoughts and feelings by e-mailing me at lifesourcecenter@aol.com or mailing me at lifesourcecenter, 710 Main Street, Plantsville Connecticut, 06479.