HOW DO MOVE PAST CHILDHOOD ROADBLOCKS?
The effects of chronic childhood trauma cannot be overestimated in its impact on adult functioning. Day in day out messaging from parents and significant others as children, affects how we, as adults, view ourselves and how we behave. It affects the choices we make in romantic relationships, friends we choose and how we meet the everyday challenges of life.
Why, as adults, are we so influenced by a past that results for many living a life that is less than rewarding? We are left with feelings of chronic stress, anxiety and/or depression. These negative feelings saps energy, attacks motivation and end up negatively defining who we are.
Changing these patterns doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and effort that many of us do not have. Instead, many go through life tolerating the intolerable. For them, dysfunctional living has become a way of life.
As we have stated, any change or habit is difficult to overcome. It is not because we are weak but because our brain perceives any change as a threat and naturally pushes us toward sameness.
To help, here are some tools you can use to resolve some of those old, self-destructive patterns.
- Focus on the ultimate goal of what you want to be.
- Start with small steps.
- Force yourself to be optimistic, regardless of the normal setbacks.
- Understand there will always be a push from others to resist your changing.
- Maximize your positives and minimize your negatives.
- Tune more into your gut. It can guide you into being more authentically you.
Dealing with the dysfunctional part of your past may seem disheartening at times. Considering counseling may help you make breakthroughs.
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____________Raymond Shocki PhD, LCSW, LMFT