Author Archives: Shocki, PhD, LMFT, LCSW

About Shocki, PhD, LMFT, LCSW

Dr Shocki has over thirty years experience in the behavior health field. He has founded and directs the Life Source Center, Inc., located in Plantsville Connecticut. Services include behavior health counseling dealing with relationship issues, persons struggling with various anxiety and depressive maladies and those individuals struggling to develop improved stategies to cope with the world around them. Dr. Shocki has also written a book entitled "Take Charge of Your Life or Someone Else Will" The book is available electronically free upon request at lifesourcecenter @aol.com.
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The following blog, along with previous blogs written, are based on issues from various patiens I have worked with over the years. If you wish to no longer recieves these blogs,  merely  e-mail me at lifesourcecenter@aol.com, stating “Do not email future blogs” and your name will be deleted from the mailing list.

With that, let’s get on with the current topic.

Alone, but not Lonely During the Pandemic

Good or bad, people are use to certain ways of thinking and behaving.   However, the current pandemic, along with its’ social isolation, has upset their usual way of life. The pandemic’s sudden outbreak has thrust change upon people of all ages and positions in life.  As we know, even when people want to change, there is a natural resistance to doing so.. The onset of the pandemic only accentuates  already existing patterns of dealing with life’s unexpected crises.

There are many things that go into the way people think. It is influenced by genetics, early life experiences, one’s upbringing, as well as the relationship with the primary caretakers. Even temperament has its affects.  For example, introverts can feel very comfortable in being alone during this pandemic.  On the other hand, this pandemic period can negatively affect the mood of extraverts.

Loneliness can certainly be a byproduct of people living through this pandemic. The question is, “How does one effectively get through this period of time,with loneliness as a byproduct.?”  The first thing to accept is that loneliness is not the same as being alone. Many people may be alone  and feel a natural level of loneliness. However, how people think about being alone can create a sense of isolation and loneliness.  In this case, the sense of loneliness can have a powerful downward spiral affect on merely being alone.

Being alone can open oneself into thinking that is negative and self defeating.  It is best to be aware of the triggers that feed into this negative self talk. Being aware of those specific triggers may be difficult because people are often programed to think in certain way for many years.  As a result, when isolated, they are more prone toward negative self talk. Healthy distractions will help to avoid ruminating about things perceived as negative, Assertively thinking thoughts that are positive and self affirming can result in new meaning and purpose in life. Know that no matter how bad things seem to be, there are always possibilities for growth.

This requires a two prone approach. First, remember that no two thoughts can occupy the mind at the same time.  Therefore, begin by not fighting the negative self talk and merely replace those thoughts with positive ones about yourself, your personal assets, and strengths.   Second, begin to occupy yourself with taking on little projects. Learn  a .new skill that  you have long put off which can help elevate your mood. and counteract any sense of isolation and loneliness.

Getting into a daily schedule and keeping it is very important. Start each day with a plan of doing something minimal. You can write them down or keep them in your head.  The routine doesn’t have to be planning to do big things.  It is surprising how  routinely completing small things result in a sense of accomplishment.

Keeping up to date on the latest advice and health information may give you an edge when it comes to protecting your mental health (and as a result, reducing the impact of loneliness). This means obtaining far less information from cable news and written opinions from various political pundits and “self described know it alls” on web sites.

Do things that get you to reach out to others..  Call  a friend and be open to anyone new performing  random acts of kindness,.  Inquire as to how they are doing. . Take the time to be informed about them and not get caught up tin things that  triggers your own stress, fears, anxiety and/or depression.. Being involved with others, either by phone, face time, zoom or some other electronic mechanism, can keep you from being lulled into a sense of  complacency.  Complacency can lead to rationalizing such things as telling yourself that one more drink won’t hurt or there is no need to exercise today or you don’t need to bother getting out of bed this morning. One can always find reasons for not doing things that will be helpful to you.  Be alert not to let that happen to you.

Do things you thought you never would be able to do. Take a chance.  Take a risk.  Be creative. Learn to bake,.  Learn a foreign language.  Learn to play the guitar or you can do what I am doing which is planning on putting together a podcast. The things you can do at home alone are limitless. There is not enough room on this blog to list them all.  Be flexible in your thinking and know you are only limited not by your current situation but  by how you think about it.

Readers are invited to comment, share thoughts, ideas or suggestions about this blog or any other previous blogs. Readers can e-mailing me at lifesourcecenter@aol.com or mailing me at lifesourcecenter, 710 Main Street, Plantsville Connecticut, 06479.