Author Archives: Shocki, PhD, LMFT, LCSW

About Shocki, PhD, LMFT, LCSW

Dr Shocki has over thirty years experience in the behavior health field. He has founded and directs the Life Source Center, Inc., located in Plantsville Connecticut. Services include behavior health counseling dealing with relationship issues, persons struggling with various anxiety and depressive maladies and those individuals struggling to develop improved stategies to cope with the world around them. Dr. Shocki has also written a book entitled "Take Charge of Your Life or Someone Else Will" The book is available electronically free upon request at lifesourcecenter @aol.com.
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Disagreeing without being Disagreeable

Unless your partner is a clone of you, there inevitably will be disagreements. The reasons vary from different personality styles, different upbringing, different genetic makeup, different values, to mention a few. These disagreements usually end up in a right/wrong situation other than just two people who are different with two different realities.

A power struggle ensues with each thinking the other is wrong. Neither can sit down and negotiate a resolution to their differences. They resist by repeating the same complaint over and over or holding things in and harboring deep resentment toward the other.

How do we stop this never ending merry go round? Well, there are ways you can work out the many stalemates. Here are a few.

  • Stick with one issue at a time and avoid being sidetracked by a multitude of other issues.
  • Try not to let past failures adversely contaminate the present.
  • Mutually agree on a time to discuss an issue commit to it.
  • Listening to the other person without interrupting is most difficult but most important.
  • Pay attention to what the other person is saying without prejudging
  • Strive to remain calm and focused. If you feel you’re losing it, take a deep breath.
  • Take a time out if things get hot.  Nothing gets accomplished if emotions takeover.
  • Put pride aside and attempt to understand the other’s perspective
  • Look at your partner’s viewpoint being different and not necessarily wrong.
  • Be willing to compromise and come to a negotiated agreement.
  • Commit to follow through on the agreement and not fall back on previous nonproductive behavior.

A lot to remember but well worth the effort. The results can bring you and your partner closer together.