Author Archives: Shocki, PhD, LMFT, LCSW

About Shocki, PhD, LMFT, LCSW

Dr Shocki has over thirty years experience in the behavior health field. He has founded and directs the Life Source Center, Inc., located in Plantsville Connecticut. Services include behavior health counseling dealing with relationship issues, persons struggling with various anxiety and depressive maladies and those individuals struggling to develop improved stategies to cope with the world around them. Dr. Shocki has also written a book entitled "Take Charge of Your Life or Someone Else Will" The book is available electronically free upon request at lifesourcecenter @aol.com.
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Finding  Happiness Despite Experiencing Trauma.

The following blog, along with previous blogs written, is based on issues from various patients I have worked with over the years. If you wish to no longer receive these blogs, merely e-mail me at lifesourcecenter@aol.com, stating “Do not email future blogs” and your name will be deleted from the mailing list.

Numerous events can have a profoundly traumatic impact on our internal world. They include  childhood trauma to dealing with the loss of a loved one to dealing with a chronic emotional and or physical pain.

This manifests itself by having unrealistic expectations of oneself and the outside world and not being able to adapt to what is.  We worry about a possible negative future outcome and don’t expect positive things for ourselves. In reality, the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. Yet, we have a difficult time letting go of self-destructive beliefs thus making adjusting to unexpected turn of events exceedingly difficult.

The literature has many suggestions as to how to achieve happiness in spite experiencing the trauma and pain of life. I am going to share with you seven.

  1. Recognize you were an easy target as a child
  • You need to recognize that you were abused by someone who saw you as an easy target, who could only control you by habitually repeating distortions about yourself. It matters little if you were abused directly or if you witness the abuse of others whom you are close to. Repeated often enough, you are eventually adversely affected by them.
  1. Be aware that your behavior only reinforces lies told to you.
  • Being physically free from that person or persons, does not necessarily make you free. They can own you in your mind. So become aware of the lies you tell yourself, were lies told you by a big liar. Be aware that by continuing to feed yourself with these lies about yourself, you’re reinforcing the continuation to be owned by the other person in your head.
  1. Focus on the person you want to be.
  • You can get in touch with happiness by focusing on who you want to become. Write down specifically what you want to be and what you want to do. Develop a plan for when you feel good and when you don’t feel good. If you don’t know what that is, try different things until you finally discover what it is. I know it’s hard not to be discouraged. Try something, even if it is something small, push through the resistance and do it. 
  1. Begin to view yourself as valuable
  • Begin to view yourself as a valuable person, even though there is a constant push to believe otherwise. You must realize you have come a long way in life in spite of the trails and tribulations you have had to deal. Embrace who you are, warts and all. That means taking responsibility for taking good care of yourself by eating right, exercising, drinking plenty of water, getting the right amount of sleep.
  1. Move a muscle
  • Movement of any kind and even accomplishing very little, can move you toward a greater sense happiness than if you do nothing. It doesn’t have to be something big, even if it is a gentle walk outside for a short distance. It can leave you with a sense of accomplishment.
  1. Develop a positive outlook about life 
  • Being positive does not mean denying the trauma of the past or the pain of the present. It means viewing life’s setbacks as opportunities for personal growth. Focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes can be reinforcing. Finally, making it a point to associate with positive people can help as well.
  1. Find purpose and meaning to your life 
  • Life has its ups and downs for all of us. During those down times, it is very easy to question why we are here on this earth. But it is probably one of the most important to answer. We all have gifts that we can positively impact others and ourselves.

Readers are invited to comment, share thoughts, ideas or suggestions about this blog or any other previous blogs. Readers can e-mailing me at lifesourcecenter@aol.com or mailing me at lifesourcecenter, 710 Main Street, Plantsville Connecticut, 06479.