Baby Steps are not Just for Babies
Feeling stuck? In my practice, I have found that lasting change doesn’t happen in a single leap but in accomplishing one small step at a time. Baby steps aren’t just steps; they are building blocks toward a transformative goal. I would like to explore with you how these tiny moves can lead to big breakthroughs.
I find that people I work with in therapy want to change but are often critical about taking baby steps. They are fixated on viewing the real importance lying in achieving the goal and not the steps necessary to get there. In a society that looks for quick fits, baby steps are viewed as insignificant. They are often minimized as things that anyone can do, thus have no relevancy to their goal. They don’t realize that the baby steps are the building blocks that will move them toward ultimate success. The tension between their goal and the steps necessary to reach it, is often met by their resisting even small steps.
If you decide to make a change, you must first understand what the change is you would like to make. This is often not as simple as it may sound. If you’re surrounded by negativity, it is difficult to expect you to be motivated enough to even take those small steps. In fact, if you generally struggle with negative thinking and/or are with people who are also negative in their thinking, you will be more stressed and more vulnerable to life’s setbacks. As a result, you’re less motivated to make even minor changes.
The most common reason people come to see me for counseling is to change, either their behavior or how they feel. Much to their disappointment, they soon find that change is not immediate. Wha t is misunderstood is that change rarely occurs in one fell swoop. Any chance of real change lasting, the process needs to occur with small incremental steps.
Sometimes they don’t even take the first step because their goals are ill defined. If that is the case, the first step is to think hard in defining the goal. Once the goal is defined, the road to achieving it may seem overwhelming and unachievable. The natural reaction is to resist. When that occurs, taking small baby steps is critical. Once you define those small baby steps, you need to view achieving each one as a success. Each successful completion is viewed as a victory that is celebrated. Building on each small step make one positive choice after another.
Taking that first step, no matter how small, is difficult. When struggling to take that first step, think about the change you want to make and keep working on being mindful of it whenever the opportunity presents itself. This will help when the idea of baby steps first comes up. Be aware that baby steps are the building block toward sustainable and valuable change.
Baby steps are important to breaking out of the circle you’re in that goes nowhere different. Taking that small step out of your circle reduces feeling overwhelmed. Breaking down those seemingly daunting tasks become smaller and more manageable. Moving from one building block to the next builds confidence.
Let’s look at ways you can begin to feel comfortable with baby steps. A list comes to mind. None of them is a guarantee that these suggested strategies will be a guarantee of success. However, I believe they provide an opportunity to move you toward the steps you may need to take that will move you toward where you want to be.
• To start a baby step, make it as simple and doable as possible, If you have difficulties getting started with your identified baby step, then make it smaller and even simpler.
• Consult with a trusted friend, family member or partner about your struggle with getting started in even small ways. Trust that they will be there for you listening and offering help.
• It is not unusual to not keep track of baby steps and how they relate to your goal. Keeping a daily log of each daily accomplishment can give you the positive feedback you will need to continue.
• Keeping track of setbacks can be extremely helpful in that it provides you an opportunity to readjust strategies if needed.
• Reinforce yourself regularly by telling yourself that baby steps make more sense than attempting the goal all at once.
• Don’t rush the process. Take one step at a time.
• Congratulate yourself when successfully accomplishing a baby step, no matter how small you may think it may be.
• View mistakes or setbacks as leaning opportunities rather than failures.
• Know that if you do too much prematurely, it can result in an overload that can affect your mind or body.
• Baby steps are a gentler way of reaching your goal, rather than putting your energy into one outcome before its time,
• With the successful completion of each step, your sense of competence builds if you allow it to happen rather than minimizing it.
Few of us in today’s complex world can predict future outcomes. We live in a world full of unpredictability, which renders us feeling powerless at times. Taking baby steps and accomplishing each one can give you a sense of personal power. By simply focusing on one step at a time, you’re more apt to feel less stressed, less powerless, less overwhelmed by what life throws at you.